The Shop Assistants on The Road To Ruin. Words by Philip Page
This interview first appeared in The Underground Fanzine Issue 4. This issue also contained The Legendary Golden Subway Flexi which contained a version of Home Again.
The pop phenomena of '86 eh? Cracking single wasn't it? I picked the little darlings up, dusted them down, and thrust them forward to the world. They could be massive honestly, this is just the start. And what have I got to show for it? A few more wrinkles, a couple of grey hairs and a dog eared valentine. No, not really. Like so and so said, tis better to haved loved and lost than not to have loved at all or whatever all that schmuck was about. It was great while it lasted , like when the first 1000 singles sold out in three weeks and I went round being silly for a whole day. Here's some funny quotes. "It'll get to about number 25" - Stephen Pastel. "Is it worth pressing more than 500?" - me. Five hundred?!! It's sold nearly 6000 now and still going strong.
Temple Combe, December '85, The Mystery Tour. The Shop Assistants, June Brides and The Chesterfields are playing to two coachloads of daytrippers from Brighton's Big Twang club. The Junie's Jon Hunter is interviewing The Shoppies for his own fanzine, Bandits 5-0. I eavesdrop.
David - "We're going to do a mystery tour in Scotland to Loch Ness." JH - "Would you play Sun City?" David - "No! We'd bomb it. We're gonna bomb BUPA (not Buba) in the New Year but don't write that down (Tee Hee). JH - "Bomb shocker" David - "Shop Assistants in sex bomb scandal."
- Do you get any groupies now that you're famous? David - "All the time, Dennis (the driver) has to fend them off." Ann - "We don't get any though. They all crowd round David and have silk scarves with 'David' on them." JH - "Are you going to get any more instruments in?" David - "No, apart from our harpist." JH - "Harpist?" David - "Well, half pissed." JH - "What's the best Shop Assistants moment of 1985?" David - "Last time we played Edinburgh people were shouting hey ho - let's go!"
They were really brill on the Mystery Tour. Jon played on 'Nature Lover', Alex looked wonderful in leather, I got thrown over the monitor and collapsed in a pile at her feet. PUNK ROCK!!! They really are getting better all the time. The set reaches a climax with 'Switzerland' coming to an end in a howl of feedback which leads into 'Almost Made It'. The following night at the Granary in Bristol there were people throwing themselves off the balcony at that point. Laura's face creased into one of the biggest, daftest grins I've seen in years. The real spirit of POP, the sort of stuff that makes you howl with delight and not worry what others think.
Ah, that night at the Granary. The support band Rhythm Party (who the F*** are they anyway?) reckoned that they should be heading the bill. A little disagreement followed (only a little one) which was soon settled by the Granary's manager pointing out he'd had "people ringing all bloody day about them Shop Assistants". The arguments settled and Rhythm Party play first - in a huff. When it comes to the Shoppies set, Dennis (who doubles as soundman) finds the effects unplugged from the P.A. and everything set back to zero. SABOTAGE!!! Well it's not me to point the finger but who do you think it was? Like I said, they was brilliant, the audience pumelled each other to the point that two giant bouncers stood in front of the stage. Unnecessary, but at least they joined in the fun when people threw themselves at them. They just pushed them back in the crowd, so after a few songs the audience was playing human pinball. Pick someone small, throw them at the bouncers, then watch them shoot around the dancefloor. PUNK ROCK!!!
Now the really good bit came later. What happens when you take some rock 'n' roll Shop Assistants and mix them with lots of free lager? It was just like that film 'Gremlins'. They're dead cute and lovable when sober, but get them drunk and they turn into wee monsters. Riding round the streets of Bristol in their space age minibus, shouting abuse at innocent bystanders. (Except for Alex - Nico ice maiden type, dead cool). I despair and tell them to shut up or they can't stay at my house Futile. Dennis drives round in circles, but eventually we arrive home. Two in the morning the phone rings. Rhythm Party accuse us of stealing their cardboard cutouts they use on stage. Now this is getting silly, we laugh and put the phone down. I'm in a mood now, but I still let them drink all my coffee before bidding them goodnight.
God! What do you want to know all this for? Here's a photo of them on the Mystery Tour. The Shop Assistants are a load of hedonist, wasted, loud, destructive rock 'n' rollers, and David will doubtlessly die of a Smartie overdose before he's much older. GOODNIGHT. (PUNK ROCK!!! INDEED!)
